Going to the 7-11 Has Never Been so Exciting

It's the 4th of July and like every other day, I was almost out of gas. So I drove to the 7-11 for what I assumed would be another mundane oil company pillaging to fill up the Jeep. After filling up, I went into the store to buy a newspaper. There was a small line. To my surprise, there wasn't the usual kindly Pakastani behind the counter, rather a tiny old woman who must have been well into her 70's. At best she was 4'10 and couldn't have been more than 80 pounds. Her face was lined with years of experience and her voice was as soft as the trickle of a brook. She looked like everyone's grandmother.

Then, the gentleman in front of me made his way to the counter. "I need a box of Trojans," he blurted proudly.

I nearly pissed myself.

"I'm sorry honey?" Grandma asked.

"Trojans, condoms, rubbers," he patiently explained to her.

I think it was at this point my lip began to bleed. I was biting it pretty hard and skin can only take so much.

Her eyes sort of drifted to the side while she tried to comprehend her customer. Then they brightened as it dawned on her what he was asking for. Without a word, she shuffled to the "condom rack" behind the counter and grabbed a box. She set it down on the counter and began to ring him up.

"I need the Magnum size," he said.

I had to leave the store.